Mama Monday - Netta
Happy Monday mamas! This week, my dear friend Netta is telling a story of heartache, hope, & happiness, all of which led them to their sweet baby boy Remmy. This one hits close to home for me, because I got to watch this all unfold first hand and let me tell you, this story is nothing short of amazing!
But before she tells her story, I need to just say a little bit about Netta and her husband Steve, because to say they are deserving of this is an understatement. I met Steve and Netta through my husband and we became fast friends. There are just some people you know are good down to their soul, and these two people are it. They love my children like they are their own and have ALWAYS been there for me the entire time I have known them. When Nick was deployed and I called them at 10pm on a Tuesday to drive to my house because I thought there was a guy in our woods. They both showed up with flashlights and a smile (really, it was laughter because there was no man in my woods, it was just different colored leaves). Or when I finally had the balls to leave Jordy overnight for the first time, he stayed over with them because I trust them implicitly with my buns. When Monkey(what Jordy calls Steve), went out and bought a blowup minion to put in HIS yard because Jordy watched the movie at his house and said he likes minions. When they showed up, in the pouring rain, to help me move out of our house because Nick was deployed on move out day. These are two people who deserve it all, because they are always so willing to give to everyone around them. I am beyond blessed to have them in not just my life, but my family's life. These are the people who are family to me. Not by blood, but by the sheer love between us all.
"Hi Mamas! I am Netta Roth, mama bear to my precious little cub, Remington aka Remmy. I became a mama March 27, 2018 literally overnight.
Unlike many of you, I did not bake my bun, my son is adopted. He arrived to us very unexpectedly and much like every other major decision in my life—fast. However, before I tell you all our exciting adoption story, I would like to share with you how we decided to adopt.
Flashback to about 6 years ago, my husband (then long long long term boyfriend) and I decided we wanted to start a family. So, I went to the doctor and got the all clear to have at it but was told that if nothing happened in the next year so to comeback in and they could provide some assistance. Although I was 32 at the time, they said my age could play a factor in getting pregnant. About a year later, no luck, & in to the doctor I went. We began hormone treatment—pills, shots, and nasty creams that all provided crazy side effects. "Ok its worth it" I thought, we are going to get pregnant easy peasy now… Wow was I wrong!
Another six months in, and still nothing. It seemed that everyone I knew was getting pregnant. and I would smile, congratulate, and genuinely want to be happy for them, meanwhile inside I felt like I was dying a little every time. seriously what was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I get pregnant?! But we kept trying. My husband and I both began to see a holistic doctor in addition to the hormone treatment. We changed our diets, took supplements and had acupuncture several times a month. We then began rounds of inutero fertilization, still nothing.
We carried on like this for a while, I honestly lost track of the time, but I know that each month I would lose my shit when my period would start. It would be even worse if I was a week or so late. We were losing hope of starting our family. Finally, in June of 2015 my doctor decided that he wanted to do an exploratory laparoscopy to check for endometriosis. We put baby making on hold and I had the surgery. Diagnosis? Endometriosis. this is what may have been preventing me from my dream of becoming a mama. The doc lasered off the tissue and after a few weeks told us to make a baby. He did state that the next 6 months were the window of opportunity because the tissue causing endometriosis could grow back. "Great", I thought "here we go! Its gonna happen now!" I was decorating the nursery in my head and looking at baby things for a registry. But yet again, WRONG!
In August of 2015, Steve came home from a routine CDL exam stating that he had to see a cardiologist—the physician heard a heart murmur. After many tests for him, it was determined that his mitrovalve was leaking and he needed to have open heart surgery to either repair it or replace the valve. After that diagnosis we quickly got married in October. (it was small, and nice. We were married in our home in front of close family and friends.) Then in January of 2016 he had his surgery. Incidentally his surgery was one day after Adrienne’s Jordy was born. My husband’s surgery went well and there were no complications. He had it done with the DaVinci robot so recovery was a lot easier than actual open heart.
Anyway, there went our 6 month baby window and there went my dreams of becoming a mama. I was done with the emotional roller coaster. My mind and my body couldn’t take it any longer , and we decided we were done with fertility treatments. After his surgery, we discussed adoption but never really did anything about it. That is until we were approached by a family member that knew a girl looking to put her child up for adoption. Wow! ok we thought "let’s go for it". We contacted the young lady, we contacted the adoption agency that our family member used, and we got started with the process. And what a process it was! We had to have our home inspected by social workers and the fire department. We had to undergo extensive psychological discussions and background checks. WE had to get references and show all of our financial information. We had to fix things in our home. We had to travel to Columbus for classes. We had to attend baby care classes. we basically jumped through every hoop that the adoption agency asked us to. Oh and did I mention that only a handful of people knew what was up? My husband and I chose to keep our decision to start a family quiet. We did not want to a) answer questions on the baby front and b) once we decided to adopt, we did not want to get our families’ hopes up with the prospect of a baby as we had seen first hand through a family member that you can be you can be promised a baby and then end up not “getting” the baby.
At any rate May, June and most of July 2016 was busy in our household. We were crossing off items from our adoption list because this young lady was due very soon. Then the young woman disappeared. She did not contact our agency or us. We had no idea where she was or what she was planning to do. She was gone. Later I learned, through the power of social media, that she had chosen another family. We were devastated... again! But we thought—the hell with, it we’ve come this far let’s have the agency find us a baby. So, we completed more paperwork and traveled to Columbus again. (We chose to stay with the adoption agency in Columbus, because the actual adoption finalization can occur after a 6 month period in Franklin county where as in Trumbull county it can take a year.)
There were 2 things I found the most difficult through the entire process. The first was determining what traits were acceptable to us when the agency was matching us with birth-moms. We had to discuss everything from race and ethnicity to drug addiction and possible birth defects. You really learn a lot about yourself and your spouse when doing this. Also, you have to keep in mind that YOU may be adopting the child but so is your entire family and peer group. Will they be accepting of your child? Are you willing to destroy relationships if they are not? The second was writing a profile of our lives to be posted on line for birth-moms to view—how exactly is one suppose to say "hey here we are! Please give us your baby!" in 4 pages with pictures?
Anyway, we completed the paperwork and homestudy process in November of 2016. We were approved adopters! Hooray! Shower us in birth moms and give us a baby!! A month went by and nothing then 2 months and then we waited and waited and waited. A year had past. WE had a few “bites” but mostly nothing. In February of 2018 the social worker sent me an email and said that our profile had been circulating a lot and that we had been second choice a few times, but that was the most we had really heard. My husband and I had begun the discussion of whether or not we were going to renew our home study, which expired in November of 2018. We had decided not to. We were both getting older, we were both heart broken enough. It was time to come to terms that he, and I, and our dogs were enough family. We were even discussing ways to spend some of the money we had put away for the adoption. And then it happened…
March 27, 2018 my husband and I were laying in bed watching an episode of Bull, and I was scrolling through my emails. I came across the title “Call me this is Kim from Adoption Circle”. I opened the email and it simply had her phone number. I told my husband and followed up by saying the agency’s email must have been hacked because the email didn’t have the agency’s typical format. He told me to call the number and we bickered back and forth because I thought it was too late. I decided to send a text and instantly my phone rang.
When I answered the phone and heard “Netta, this is Kim from adoption circle. Congratulations, you have a healthy blond haired, blued eyed son.” Immediately the tears started and then "excuse me I need to put you on speaker please repeat what you said so my husband can hear this".
We were then told to be in Columbus the next day to meet our son. I was of course ready to leave that second but my rational-minded husband reminded me of work and animal obligations. After several phone calls—the first to Adrienne—and one sleepless night, we found ourselves at a hospital in Columbus holding a baby with a full head of thick blonde hair and the bluest eyes you have ever seen.
People were calling him our son and telling us what a wonderful thing we are doing. WTF just happened? Our baby’s room wasn’t ready and we had NOTHING! no car seat, no crib, not a diaper or a stich of baby clothes. We had just become parents in literally 30 seconds!! After spending the day with our new son, we found a hotel room not far from the hospital, grabbed a quick bite to eat, and then went shopping armed with a list of gotta haves created by the ever fabulous Adrienne. We looked like we belonged on a game show. We were tossing baby things into our shopping cart and “testing” baby strollers up and down the aisle of Target an hour before they closed.
By law birth mothers are not allowed to sign documentation terminating their rights any sooner than 72 hours after indicating they are placing the child up for adoption. SO we were in Columbus for 3 days, waiting again. The anxiety of the last day waiting to be discharged simply can’t be described. I was so terrified that this woman would either flake out and not show up to sign the paperwork or would decide to parent this beautiful baby. I was so terrified that I was afraid to call him by the name my husband and I had chosen. My husband was terrified of my reaction if we couldn’t leave the hospital with the baby we had spent the last 3 days with.
At 6PM March 30 we were discharged from the hospital and traveling home with our new son, Remington James. Our family was complete. We had been given the ultimate gift of love. My journey into motherhood was certainly exciting and I wouldn’t change a thing about it. Every day I am grateful to have this sweet, beautiful baby. I cherish every moment, good and bad.
For the next 6 months, We had monthly visits from the adoption agency’s social worker to check on both his welfare and ours. the intent of these visits was to ensure attachment was occurring and to keep the baby with the adoptive family. And finally, on October 1st, 2018, We became a Forever Family. A date that I will never forget!"
1. What is your favorite thing about being a mama?
Can I say everything?! I love the smiles and giggles, the cuddles and slobbery baby kisses. I love watching him learn and grow and growl and cry when something doesn’t go his way. Even though I complain about them I even love the sleepless nights. I know that he is my one and only so I am cherishing every minute of it.
2. What surprised you most about being a mama?
Lol how I can be sooo tired and still manage to get things done! Also that mama’s don’t lie when they say momming is hard. I consider myself to be a pretty confident person but these days I find myself second guessing every decision when it comes to the well being of my son.
3. What is the most difficult thing about being a mama?
Being away from him or more so the guilt I feel when I am away from him. I know that it is important to take a break and go do adult things and have a date night, but wow, I miss him!
4. The best advice you’ve ever gotten as a mama?
Well the first is definitely take a break and do some things for yourself. And the second is I am the boss (courtesy of my favorite “mama bear”).
5. Favorite mama products?
I love Amika brand hair products. They smell A-MAZING and leave my hair feeling super soft. I am also crushing on Zoya nail polish at the moment. All natural, chemical free, gorgeous color, and last for while on my nails. For the home, I just recently started using Mrs. Meyer's brand cleaning solution. I'm pretty impressed with it so far.
6. Favorite bun products?
7. Favorite mom hack?
This is tough, since my cub is little yet. But, I keep a stash of frozen pacifiers for him. They are great for teething and when he has a fever. I also try to power cook on Sundays, so that we have 3 or 4 meals for the week that we can just heat up or take for lunches.
AMAZING! Am I right? For any questions, comments, or just to follow along with Netta's story, you can find her on Facebook. But I'm sure you'll be seeing lots of them this summer on my pages as well! Again, thank you all so much for reading and please share if you feel so inclined! Love to love yas!
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