SAHM does not define me
Ever since I was little, the only thing I was ever 100% certain I wanted to be, was a mom. I'm the oldest of 3 children, so being a mother hen comes naturally to me. And now that I am a mother to my own two boys, things haven't changed. It's still the best job I've ever had.
In 2009, I graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in communications focusing on public relations and was a few credits short of and international studies minor from the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. I've worked A LOT of different jobs - radio, retail, printing, shipping, graphic design, administrative, construction, and most recently at a long term care facility as an activities director.
When we decided to sell our first home and downsize two years ago, it allowed me to quit my job to stay home. And I love every second of it. I love the routine we've created, I love cleaning my house on Mondays(I shit you not, I look forward to it), I started a love affair with cooking and feeding anyone and everyone who will let me. It has been so fulfilling being at home and taking care of my boys, but recently, I've been feeling a little ummm...lost?
Because I focus so much of my time on the boys, the house, and our life, I felt myself slowly forgetting parts of myself. Maybe 'forgetting' is the wrong word. Burying is probably more accurate. I felt like I was burying parts of myself. Parts that were ingrained in me before I was a wife and a mom and a homemaker. The part of me that was excited and proud to have a job outside the home. To contribute to things that interest and excite me, things I spent 5 years studying and obsessing over while I was in college.
Recently, I've started browsing the job market again, mostly out of curiosity. It would take my dream job and a pretty good salary for me to consider applying for anything, let alone take the position. The other day, I came across a copywriter position for a big marketing firm. After reading the post, I immediately called Nick and told him I NEEDED to apply for this position. The job listing was laid back, witty, and frankly, hilarious.
I researched the company, their clients, and any information I may need to include in my cover letter so they would consider me. With the information I had, I decided it was my dream job. I crafted an expert cover letter and prayed that my time out of the workforce, and the fact that I lived 5 states away, wouldn't hinder them from considering me.
Since then, I've felt different. Different in a good way. Different enough for me to bring it up at my counseling session(yes y'all, I am still seeing a counselor. Ain't no shame!) a few days later. I don't know if there is an actual word for what I feel. I think a majority of it is excitement with some happiness, anxiety, and longing thrown in there.
That part of me, the part that works outside the home, that enjoys being around other people who've studied marketing and communications. Being around clients and helping them brand their business. I thought that person was gone, thought that I lost her when I quit the workforce.
That part of me isn't gone or missing, just misplaced. I haven't needed it, so it's been buried under the parts of me that change diapers and try and find essential oil substitutes for my cleaning supplies.
But to find that part again, to ignite that fire that was a part of me for so long was so damn refreshing. And even though I got an email a week later saying the were going with someone else, I was so damn happy about it. I was so happy to see that part of myself come to the forefront, even with the rejection. It made me realize that staying at home with my boys isn't the only thing that defines me, and the other things that do are still there.
I'm not saying I'm going to find a job tomorrow, because lets be honest, I really love the job I currently have. But I am going to start tapping into the things that fuel me, things that drive me. I'm going to find things that excite me and I'm going to make them a priority. I'm going to spend time on them and show my kids that the things that fulfill them and make them happy are important things to nurture.
And I'm going to start with something that scares the living daylights out of me. But thats something for a different post :)
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